Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
