i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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