the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
