I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So squirting runs in the family.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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