There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she peed on how many people?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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