ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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