did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize