where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
