Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
