Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
