Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
