We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
