Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
