I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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