i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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