she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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