we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
