dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
