I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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