Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
