the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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