He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
