How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
