Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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