Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
