I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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