So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
