I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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