just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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