idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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