Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
