the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
