Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
