my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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