The brown eye won't let me do that either.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
