so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
