dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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