Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
