Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize