It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
