I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!