Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours