Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...