i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
