I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
