I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon