I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
