just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
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A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.