Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
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Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old