You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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