3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
