Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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