life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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