Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it's like iHOP with fire
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
