so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
