I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
