Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
