My Higher Power is John Stamos
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
