I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
