I understand Curling. That high.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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