I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
