you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
