I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
