I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
