I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
