I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
