So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
