YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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