I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
