Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
