I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
