Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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