That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my sisters under your porch take her home
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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