Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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