call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
