my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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